Monday, June 09, 2014

Prank Attack: Gender Wars

Well, I've actually been planning this one for a while and it's only a short story so yeah:) Plus, I kinda like the plot-:)

"The younger sister of Ravana who is afflicted by cupid's disease approached Ram like a snake oppressed by the heat of the summer would approach a sandal wood tree"
-verse 32, canto XII, Raguvamsa

I feel sorry for Kalidasa, the good man.

Another year whizzes by. 2014 was a year to remember, a year that has left me wiser in more ways than one. 2014 was my year, a year that will leave a very deep impact for more reasons than one. A year that I will love, a year that I will remember and a year that will make me go "what were you thinking?!". The beginning of an end. College. 2 years of memories came to an end this 2014.

Goodbyes are something I've never been quite fond of. Of late there have been one too many goodbyes that I have had to say, and trust me, it's hard.

"From the day a person leaves the black entrance (womb), the game has always been to find another entrance when you open your eyes and see; there is too much drama, when you close your eyes"... 
-Director Selvaragavan

Whoa,whoa… No more philosophical subject.

Who-kay. What is the story about? Is it something relevant to the title?

Yes it is. The story about a girl who thinks I’m in something something with her.

What? What?

"Andha ponnu edho oru Amman oda avataram....Kettavangala pazhi vaangarthukku vandhurka. Adhu dhaan kadha"
[That girl is an incarnation apparently....she's come to avenge all the bad people. That’s the story]

I’m in a bit of a sticky situation. I played mischievous activities on a girl. Hopelessly, it ended sweet badly. An incident which has left me with many questions.

Why did she react like that? What does she think about me?

Okay, let’s see what things normally guys do to try and impress a girl.

  • Late night texts, Long phone calls and telling her she’s beautiful
  • Making her feel like she’s special
  • Showing Care (talking about her families, health etc..,)
  • Calling her with nicknames such as honey, bunny, lemon pie, pumpkin, sugar, sweetie ~ you name it
  • Cunning what she likes and dislikes
  • Displaying their affection
  • Strive to be around her
  • Call her, text her, tweet her every 10 minutes to see what’s she’s doing or what she’s not doing…
(Consciously, I didn’t do anything like these things and I didn't do anything special besides my normal routine)

What things normally guys NOT do to try and impress a girl.

  • Don’t flirt with other girls in front of her
  • Never, under any circumstances make any status about another girl
  • Never bully her
  • Don’t create distance
  • Never discuss what their ex-girlfriend or any other girls
  • Never say she looks fat or bad in an outfit
  • Most importantly, they never ever talk to their lousy habits like drinking, outing, partying like that
(Subconsciously, I did everything and I was always talking to her about girls and drinks)
Then, how come does she think I ____ her? Aaaarrghh..!

Who was she?

She was my classmate. Her name was SAIRA BANU! (Name changed to protect author (me) from getting punched). She was stature; she was giant and reasonably attractive: skin colour of old ivory. She had dark brown hair, broad forehead with a bindi, large gazelle eyes and was fighting a losing battle with fat, she had a double chin, her arms had sagging flesh and there were tyres developing about her waist. She had a broad smile showing a row of pearly white teeth. No great beauty but quite presentable. She could be a contestant of beauty pageants (perhaps, she came to zero fitness). Note, for the writing purpose only I am describing (thinking) about her this kind of way. Saira Banu was so talkative, fun-loving, clever, cheerful voice, beautiful thoughts and she was one of the nicest people around.

                                                                   "Sorry, I could put her original photo here. but, I don't want to get in trouble"

Who am I?

I had no objective. I was just fascinated by people, so I used to study their behaviour. I was always a loner – not because I was unhappy, but because I live away from myself, not just others. I like to study myself – the way I am walking, talking, behaving. My constant obsession with studying myself and other people is perhaps the primary motivation for me to be a Bhuvan. Coming to the point, if I fell for someone, why would I express my love through silly texts? Why am I afraid to express my love to her by face-to-face? No, I am not that coward and weak. In reality, there was nobody has got guts to speak in front of me roughly. As a matter of fact, I always tell my friends that “If you love somebody don’t express your love through silly texts or phone calls just go to her and say that I’m in love with you” “Love pandra ponna nerla parthu love a sollamudiyathavan yeppadi antha ponna kadaisi varaikum vachu kaapaathuvaan”.
If truth be told, I've never intentionally talked to girls besides my classmates Plus, I don’t need to.

What words others used to describe me? “He’s mischievous like Lord Krishna but he’s big hearted like King”.

I’m the sort of person who thinks “sight adipom santhosama irupom”. She too knows that. Then, how come does she think I _____ her?

                                                           "Note, He had a superpower"

What was the matter? Where? all the questions did come from?

3 days of text conversation. (Generally, I’m that type of person that won’t text someone unless I really have to tell somebody something)

Day 1

How does that text conversation start?

One Saturday noontime I was lying in my bed, “HEY BHOO!?!?” my friend MouLee shouted and attacked me in a huge fondling. I laughed and said “Heyyyyyyyy”.

Literally, he was take up my computer and pump up the volume from home stereo in so far as the whole world can hear that A.R.Rahman songs by the by he was started talking about a girl. I was energetic for the reason that he was talking about a girl who was my classmate. Yes that was Saira Banu.

I’m glad that we don’t have company to hear “Kama kama” from “Enakku 20 Unakku 18” movie song blaring on stereo throughout the house and one neighbor screaming along. I did get flustered in stereo by the way it was way too much to bear. Though, I went in to my parents’ home and I switched the TV on. Oh, man. Weekend television is awful these days nothing to vegetate in front of other than sports.

I sent a greet text to Saira Banu. She replied.

“Hey... I've been hearing some interesting stories about …………………”. I wrote.

“What is that?” She wrote. I essentially texted her for ask about the stories but I didn't (that was one of the biggest mistake I ever made).

The text conversation went on and on. At that time I felt something wrong about the style she was texting me and she was angry when I was making fun of Actor “SURAA” Vijay. Though, I decided that she was the one to pull a play.

                                                        "அவரு யாரு புறாவுக்கே BELL அடிச்சவராச்சே..."

Fruitfully, text conversation ends up with each other night wishes.

Day 2

The conversation started after my Sunday lunch I was texting her first.

She replied, after two or three of her texts made me clear that ‘that girl has been up to something?’ (She used her give & take thing. well, I think so) and I just wanted to know that. Moreover, to be frank I’d love to have a conversation with her.

That’s all went well like preceding day. We had ended up with wishes -:)

Day 3

As usual I’m done texting her first. She responds.

After two or three texts she stopped texting me. Ohhh, I tried to hold conversation and get her back on the track from few funny texts but “No reply” from her side.

Again, *Home sweet home* My friend MouLee was coming for some reason.

"BHOO”!”!”!”!”! He said jumping up from behind me. I stood there shaking my head.

“Aw come on.” He said pouting at me. I laughed and looked at the phone. I sighed and went down to my parents' home to get the water.

“Dei. She doesn't respond my text” I said letting go of him and moving out of the way so he can come in to my room.

 “Who is that da” he said giggling.

“Err..That Saira Banu da” I said, rolled my eyes and sat next to him.

“What are you doing” he asked looking at me weirdly. He looked at me raising his eyebrows, and then patting the floor next to him.

“Haan, We've been texting for the last two days” I said turning the stereo on.

“What is that all about” he demanded smiling at me.

“Tsk, Don’t know but I wanna know that what’s on her mind” I said and sighed.

“oh, Why? Why?” he demanded laughing.

Err… Nothing, Nothing, dude I felt something different about her” I said standing up and sitting on my sofa.

“Hmmm, Nalla ponna???” (Is she good girl???) He asked.

Aama da, andha maari ponnu kadaikardhukku avan kuduthuvechirkanum.”
(Yes dear, surely her boyfriend have done some good deed in his past life to get such a girl) I remarked.

Well, maybe she is trying to mock you. You want to know what’s on her mind, right. Just frigging propose, dude” he said laughing. He always had ideas whether they were good are bad.

                             "ப்ரூ விளம்பரம் செமையா இருக்கு..கல்யாணம் பண்ணுறோம்..காப்பிய போடுறோம்"
“Dude athu thappa eduthukka poguthu (she’d take it in the wrong manner) I told him.

Heyy, what’s wrong in that? Just say, she’s your friend, No?” He asked.

"Appadingara!" (You think so) I said.

“Just do it dude vilayaatukku thaana (just for fun)” he suggested.

“Okay” I snapped.

Ummm, finally, he has left me with the confusion…

Rainy Evening..!

“Hey… It’s raining here…! Don’t you think the sky is pouring the feel behalf of me?” I sent a text to her in a humorous way.

The wind blowing on my face, the whooping sound that roars inside my ears from the passing wind, blaring music from my computer stereo, cold beer for my company, the sunny day head having clear blue sky as its mate. Ah, what else does a bachelor need for relax on a day?

She did text me back more than a few minutes later.

Uuuufffff…! Drizzling…! The rain was pouring down. Puddles were all over the grass, street and sidewalks. Rainwater dripped off my shirt and onto the floor.

Then, Me and Saira Banu persisted text conversation. I made an effort to sustain (Javvu mathiri) the conversation as much as I can but her texts remarked that “she was expecting something”.

I was impatient. Finally, I’ve cracked useless line (one Maniratnam movie dialogue) after “Which is S.O.R.T of fits this occasion” this line. That’s prank or whatever, how can she meant it as a proposal line? Engrossed!

                                                                                 "Be mine"

I had thought she’d just laugh (she laughed, anyway) at it and maybe get me back with a different prank. But she was livid and tried to get much more from me with her text thing.

After that, I really didn’t remember any movie dialogue to continue the conversation and I felt really awful. I drank a beer before I went to bed, that makes me sleep Lil violent.

Next day, I sent some funny texts but she doesn't text me back.

Messed up day

After couple of days 6th day of June, That was officially my last day of college ever only having to go back in for graduation.

I went into the room where all the upcoming professors were discussing about their project review or something else. Saira Banu gave a wan smile when I entered the room but everybody’s face looks so weird that’s makes me feel discomfort and gave me mixed feelings. Although, I felt really bad (there’s nothing wrong with what I did) and thinking to say something to her but I need to do some uncompleted work for my project. Followed by I was making fun of everybody except those opposite gender.

Time went by fast; we were headed for the evening’s main event. Good bye event.

In that laboratory hall there was a large table, All the students "we" sat down around the table in odd order and suddenly in the silence someone (A man who has bald head) said “look at the certificates”.

Ada poayaaa…! I protested. He sits beside me and sometimes we joke around verbally. Saira Banu was standing alongside me. I really overreacted, but I probably crossed a bit of a line I recognize it. But I really don’t know what to do or how to interpret it and I don’t want to bring it to in front of everyone.

In any case, the right move here is to say something to her, sincerely.

What my mind says there “Go talk to her and tell her that you’re genuinely sorry for it, that you intended for her to find it funny but understand that she didn't. And don’t say anything like “I’m sorry it upset you” — that’s a qualified apology.”

But, what I've done..! “Hey, buy me an ice-cream.” I told her. That’s pathetic, who cares? She was cool.

“of what?” she demanded.

“You’d rejected me, No?”  I whispered loudly.

“I still wouldn’t believe in you.” she said giggling. There is bunch of difference between ‘I wouldn't’ and ‘I can’t’, Anyhow.

“Haan, What? You wouldn't believe in me, huh? You know border of Bangladesh in India map? Who drew?  I only drew.” I said laughing.

“Who?” She asked solicitously.

“Hmmm Ummmm… drew,drew” I  replied. Appave therinchuthu antha ponnu thappu thappa mean pannituchunu (That shows she misunderstood everything clearly). But I once drew that in my 7th standard, anyway.

“Drew huh” she said with her perfect puppy dogface.

“Okay, Ice cream, just makes me cool?” I mumbled while glaring at her.

Naa onnum ungala hot-um pannala cool-um pannala (I didn't make you cool nor hot). She snapped and nodded her head.

After that we had a small casual conversation. “Naa itha unga kitta irundhu ethirpaakave illa” (I didn’t expect this from you). She said while we shook hands, sounding kind of irritated. I giggled silently, not wanting to give away the play. Tsk. I thought we had a really good laugh together!

Thereafter, Saira Banu and one girl (who have my first name ironically with the intention that I had special respect for her) were walking down on the college lawn. I was in the bike parking area where I could see them clearly. I kick started my ladybird and let her go towards them. I glanced around and stopped my ladybird just at where they were, seeing the sun slowly fall down the now clear-blue sky. It was breathtaking view but I looked away, not really in the mood for it. We (Me and Saira Banu) spilled a couple of casual words plus I did not like her calling me ‘bad word’. I also thought I was behaving badly and don’t want to bring it up anymore. I determined to leave that matter as it was. I knew Saira Banu was angling for a talk. I tried to be evasive. Once again she nodded her head. I did not say goodbye to her. With a heavy heart I drove my friends’ room.

Afterwards, she sent some touchy texts. My mind was very perturbed. What if Saira Banu upset?

I was driving my bike at the speed of Tortoise. That was a pretty small road and I’m up in the before middle of the night. A dark cloud passed across the sky, hiding the few pale stars that had been there. Some dog must have been scattering its contents. I sensed my phone vibrates from a text and I parked my ladybird on the middle of the road. I took the mobile phone out of my pocket. Saira Banu sent a text.

I pushed dial her number and put the phone to my ear. The phone rang a five good times before the call started,

“Eak, it’s ringing”. She squealed.

“Hello?” a bored voice asked from the other end of the phone. I cleared my throat and ready to tell all the stories which is written above.

Me: “Hmmm… Saira Banu, I just now seen your text”

Saira Banu: “Okay bye”

Me: “What”

Saira Banu: “Okay bye”

Me: “Okay bye huh”

Saira Banu: “Hmmm… okay bye”

“Okay bye”. I said with that I hung up the phone, sounding pretty pissed off.

Nilaa Nilaa (That feel)” I murmured myself and drove my home.

                                                                                                  "நிலா நிலா..."

Next day, I phoned up the girl (who has my first name, apparently) to ask about Saira Banu’s issue but that girl didn't spill out a word. Who was she? She was Saira Banu’s classmate cum friend of 6 years, No? Then, how come does she utter a word about it. But she was a good girl, though. 

My mind was somewhat disconcerted as well as I sent some witty texts to Saira Banu. She responds my text.

Thus, her text makes me go whacky and I wrote her 'this and that'. (Note, she isn’t giving up on her Give&Take thing). Probably she get confused and bit of furious. At that point she get bored by the time our text conversation ended.

After that text conversation, I felt lonely as well as I decided to hang out with my friend MouLee. It was an extraordinary decision. Since, we have gone in to a bar for spending our Saturday night. Then, we talked about future plans while we’re on the subject "Vaazhkayila edhuliyume na thothadhilla da" (I've never failed in my life) I said, in a manner that Rajnikanth would have been proud of.

                                                                                      "த்தா..மரண மாஸ்:-))"

“Before I forget, what’s her name? Hmmm, Saira Banu. What happened”? He said with some sarcasm.

 “Ada paavi, nothing happened yesterday but I sent some ‘this and that’ texts today. Maybe, she’s angry at me” I replied bluntly.

Dei, innumaaaaa….? paathu dude ava annan kaiya keeya vettida poraan (You still…? Careful dude, her brother will chop off your hand) he said laughing.

“Heyyy… athu dhaa rendu kai irukula onnu ponaa pogattum (Let him, I have two hands, isn't it) I said taking long sip of beer.

That’s it. The entire story has come to an end.

Okay… Where? All the questions did come from? Where?

From her “Give&Take” thing. The style Saira Banu used to write me on those 3 days. She may be saying it as a casual thing but I know, she knows, Aircel network too knows that. Of What ?????

She may be used her text thing to many boys but it depends person to person. Just because one person is good it doesn't mean everyone is good. (I am a baaad man)

                                                                  "I am a baaaaddd Man...!"

Does she teasing/joking/kidding/mocking me?

No problem. She deserves to do so, because that’s what I normally do. But Enna enkitta solliruntha naanum sirichurupa (I’d have laugh, if she told me)

Are there any other thing?

No way, my way of thinking and her way of thinking was completely different. Saira Banu was South Pole and I’m North Pole. I knew I’m totally incompetent to be her boyfriend.

Does she judge me?

If Saira Banu had any doubt in my antics she could’ve asked me directly. Since, I’ve never shown my frown face to her. Furthermore, we couldn't see each other often, because we had only one day left to complete the college days.

Likewise, bunch of unanswered questions is surrounding my head. Like how will Naanjil Sampath speak.
  • கள்ளிற்கு எதற்கு முள்வேலி ?
  • கழுதைக்கு எதற்கு கடிவாளம் ?
  • ஒடிந்த சுள்ளிற்கு எதற்கு கோடாரி ?
  • உபரி நிலத்திற்கு எதற்கு விதைகள் ?
  • விளக்குமாற்றிற்கு எதற்கு பட்டுகுஞ்சம் ?
  • வேலத்தின் காட்டில் வேட்டை நாய்க்கு எதற்கு மருந்து ?

Fun moments

Saira Banu said I’m decent. Naa onnum avlo nallavan kidayathe! en loveru enakku okay sollulana Moovender padathula vara mathiri thaaliya kattituvean (I’m not that kind of decent! I would be tied that auspicious threat if love of my life said “NO” to me, like one of Moovender movie scene).

The best part was, she said I’m worth when I told “everything was joke ma”. Grrrrrrr… how to take it. (If a man fell for her means he isn't worth??? huh)

Why did I choose to write this?

To maintain my prestige of Saira Banu and others:

Nope. she’s still nice to me. I’m clean and on my way, why would I bother about what others think about me.

To impress her:

Cha cha..! I don’t need to. Next time, I might see her as a mother of two "GUNDU PAAPAA".

Then what..!

This is the kind of gossips I would like to spare for my great, great grandchildren. That’s why…!

Anyway, Thoroughly I enjoyed that conversation, Saira Banu made me laugh,laugh,laugh and a little bit of gloomy too. Saira Banu makes me to forget my odd things while I’m having text conversation with her.

Think I should’ve done this bit of early but I've done a pretty okay job so far, let’s see how things go-:) in conclusion Saira Banu played, I played.

At last, she made me some type of way…!

I have lots more to put in here but I can't remember some.
Damn you.

Story Ending Quotes

“Ipadi ellam pannuna thaa aduthavanga nampala pathi enna nenaikuraanganu puriyuthu” (from these sorts of activities we came to know about what others think about us).

                                                  “Aiyayoo… Say No to mobile phone, landline is enough for us..!”